Are we in a gay sports bar?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
