I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize