Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
