ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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