Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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