WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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