mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
