I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
