The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
