About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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