also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
