He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
