I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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