how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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