my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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