i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
