u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
