47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
