Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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