Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
