So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
