my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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