Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
