Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
there is glitter all over my balls
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