you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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