A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
