So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
