no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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