You really coming over, don't trick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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