My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
