A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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