the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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