So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
