Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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