oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So much rum. So many feels.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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