we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
