youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
