Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
