In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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