i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
