he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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