Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
