Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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