Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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