By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
