I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
