the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
