i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
