I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
