Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
