why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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