If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize