I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
