Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
