I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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