she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
