i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
