went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
