Small penises have feelings too.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
