There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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