...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
