Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize