One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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