Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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