Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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