I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
