I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
