She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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