My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
