Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
