Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
