Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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