Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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