i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
