I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
