So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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