found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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