she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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