I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
