hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Shame - the story of my life.
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