Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
