I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope mine doesn't look like that
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
