i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
