my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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