I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize