Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize