Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
