everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
