I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
