I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
