she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
