Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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