i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
