Umm I'm too high to move.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
