I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
