Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
