Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
