My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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