So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
