dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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