I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's no shave November. This is our time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
