Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
