Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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