Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sarcasm needs its own font
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
