if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
her vagine was all disorganized.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
