i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
