I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
